MY IMMORTAL: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!

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Re: MY IMMORTAL: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!

Postby In West Fillydelphia (?) » Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:28 pm

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Sometimes My Immortal is so absurd that I think it'd make a legitimately great anime.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:45 pm

:golfclop:
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Mon Mar 07, 2016 5:45 pm

Captain Sunshine wrote::golfclop:
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Wed Mar 09, 2016 12:12 am

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This chapter and the next one have really stupid subtitles for a reason:

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.

AN// I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."


Tara's fanfiction.net account got cracked because her password was hilariously obvious apparently, and the person posted a troll chapter.

It's not very funny at all. It's a lot of "things became canon and I lay SICK BURNS on Ebony".

I won't bother with it besides acknowledging it exists.

THE IDIOT'S NOTE: Well... this was in the doc area... might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us... Have a nice day!


thankfully, the troll was not rude enough to delete the real My Immortal, which is much more interesting.

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AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111


Is this the same vacation as before, the one she mentioned in chapter 37?

I woke up in da Norse’s offace on a special gothik coffin.


The medical viking must get a lot of visits from her if they already have a special bed for her.

Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up.


It's amazing what these kids get away with.

Mr. Noris was cleaning the room.

“Oh mi satan wut happened!” I screamed.


The janitor is just mopping holy cow lady.

Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.

“Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11” I yielded.


Not even flinching when the Dork Lord shows up, eh? I think this is what tv tropes calls badass decay.

“Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11” he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.

“Volxemort? OMFG what’s wrong!111” I asked.


Holy shit. Sinister's godawful plan is actually working. :psyduck:

Sudenly………. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B’lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.


Well bye Voldemort glad to see you accomplish nothing like usual. The black boxes come up in a bit, Ebony has to dicipher airplane flight data to figure out where Draco's plane went.

Wait.

“OMFG Enoby ur alive!111” Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B’lody Mary.

“What the fuk happened?” I asked dem. “Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?” I gosped.


Well yeah you were in the past but now you're in the present. How is she? I don't fuckin' know.

“Enoby u were almost shot!11” said Serious. “But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time.”


Yep just accept that since Ebony is a time traveler that she arbitrarily could not die due to knifeshot wound.

Welcome to endgame My Immortal pr*p.

But fangz anyway!1” said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

“OMG I cant beleve Vampirz’ dad shot u!1” I gasped.

“Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den.” said James.


Snap was possessed by Snap. I think they mean James was? Snap could have used the Imperius curse, which actually does control someone else. All its uses in My Immortal make it seem like a disabling spell so Tara probably didn't notice the part where it was the mind control spell.

Or maybe it's literal and Snap used astral projection and reentered himself but weirdly.

Wait, James said that? After this speak Sirius and Lucian so maybe it was the other adult who entered the room, who was... Professor Sinister? When and how did she leave the Caucus mountains?

What is even HApeningg

“Yah he wuz a spy.” Serious said sadly. “He wuz really a Death Dealer.”

“And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11” said Lucian. “He didn’t even realy no hu GC were until I told him.”


Holy shit she really does expect true goths to just know about goth things.

Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.


"Happy you got shot in the past and somehow ended up back at the present day!"

These sentences don't matter at all. They have no impact on anything. Did Mr. Norris even care when Voldemort ran in, threatened her, cried, and ran out?

Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?” I asked gothikally.

“No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Profesor Trevolry.


Image
Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger Ebert gave the film two out of four stars and wrote, "House of Wax is not a good movie, but it is an efficient one and will deliver most of what anyone attending House of Wax could reasonably expect...assuming it would be unreasonable to expect very much."

The poster looks vaguely creepy and has a shirtless hunk. Not much else to say besides that it stars Paris Hilton, who... is probably somewhat preppy.

"He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1”


Wow you already gave her one round of lavish gifts, no reason to shower her in-

oh wait

I hate you so much sinister I swear to Satan (geddit bcuz im gpffix)



I got up suicidally.


I imagine she rises up out of bed and her head goes straight through the noose.

Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don’t get da idea massage me ill tell u).


This is your hospital wear?! Did the orderlies make sure you had the goffik gurl thong?!

I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes.


An I was wearing led immediately into an I put on!

I left the hospital’s wings wif B’lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

“OMFG letz celebrate!11” gasped Willow.

“We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1” giggled Vampire.

“Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine.


did she just arbitrarily append the 666 to an unrelated sentence

We opened da conmen room door sexily.


I never get tired of the sexily adverb, even after jumping in front of the bullet.

And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.


I imagine there's slightly more important issues at hand than what Draco (or Snap? (probably not)) is wearing. Like that they're fucking in the common room.

“U fucking prep!11” we all yielded angrily.


I see clique identity is the first thought at all times

“Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.


I

don't know what this means, besides the general "won't fuck the middle-aged man" principle? Don't you have anything better?

“No u don’t understand!1” screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s.


Pulled his thingie out of Snap's thingy? Wh-what kind of "doing it" is this?!?!

And I think pulling out is the worst time to try to pull this defense, but that's just me, I've never been caught doing it with Snap so I'm not sure.

“No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111” said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1).


Goddamn, harsh Willow.

I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.

“Enoby no!11111” screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.


For once something done suicidally was actually suicidal.

And also sexy because this is stupid

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RASTA IN PASTA
EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY
1989-2006
"oh my satan!" - satan

I was wearing & ki

Idiot's Note: Ugh... I know... terrible... but then again, this wouldn't be called the 'worst fanfic ever if not for the fact that the writing standards meets the level of a day old fetus...  



shut up you're not funny

I was wearing & kin: 52
strange adverbs: kiss keenly; kiss passively; cry wisely; shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly; nodded ENREGeticALLlY; sacredly I hopped inside; screamed sexily; frenching passively; smelled happily; passively we did it; cry all sexy and sexitive; shoot angrily (actually using firearms); loafing meanly; took out anvilly; jumped sexily into the penisve; giggled mistressly; laffed statistically; (had sex) sexily; went sexily to potionz class; beat [Hargrid] up sexily; jumped seductivly; took his cigar out sexily (literal cigar); jumped secxily in front of da bullet; asked gothikally; got up suicidally; sexily took a steak out
Oh my satans: 9
Windows broken: 1
Time Travel Paradoxes, Anachronisms, and Complications: fuck
Fucks attempted: 12
Fucks failed: 10
Unforgivable Curses: 6
great band names: Volsemort and Da Death Dealers; Fug and the Mystery of Magic; Alabastard; Cornelio Fuck and the Misery of Magic
Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look; mean old man; horny simpletons; dispicable snobs; despicable preps; moronic idiots; fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich; fucking bustard; inlosent fools; ridiculus dondderhed; u fuking suk u preppy bastard
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Wed Mar 09, 2016 2:06 am

rip enoby
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Postby Pocket (?) » Wed Mar 09, 2016 5:29 am

Incidentally, I think Exhibit A in the case that this was a troll fic all along is the sheer number of "!111111111"s, which are at the very least clearly intentional references to a probably-impossible-to-Google meme. So, best case scenario, Tara has Penguin of Doom tendencies on top of everything else.
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Postby In West Fillydelphia (?) » Wed Mar 09, 2016 6:40 am

I'm willing to bet the password was Gerard Way
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Wed Mar 09, 2016 11:20 am

In West Fillydelphia wrote:I'm willing to bet the password was Gerard Way


same
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Tue Mar 29, 2016 1:16 am

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Last time, after being shot, Ebony committed suicide. How will she escape certain death this time?

AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF!!!!! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!!!!!!!!11111


After the master of unfunny last chapter, it's a relief to go back to Tara yelling at the reviewers.

neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1.


This is all the commentary she gives on the hacking, btw.

im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks.


Given the time frame this would be the film for Order of the Phoenix. She talks about the revelations in Deathly Hallows in a later autuor's nose.

Damn she takes a lot of vacations.

OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!!!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako.


changing the casting for a major character in the later half of the films: a cameo

at least it wouldn't be like that time a character was portrayed by a black girl right up until she became important, when suddenly a white girl started playing the role.

if u flame ill slit muh risztz!!!!!!!!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.


Oh someone was asking if they're British? No because Raven is taking a vacation there, which infers it's not her normal digs.

That was an unusually large author's note, wasn't it?

When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!!!!!11 I looked arund confusedly.


Much like Barry Bonds's home run record, I might have to put an asterisk next to the I was wearing count. It does literally start with "I was wearing" but it's just reiterating an earlier outfit instead of describing a new one. Does it count?

It wuz da Norse’s office but it looked difrent!! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!!!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic?! at da dizcko or mcr)


stop giving away the twists early with your notes, you did it with voldemort waaaay back when

der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves.


I admit I am not that well-informed on the Beatles but I don't think they had a goffik phase.

On it said ‘1980.’

“OMFG!!! Im back in Tim again!!!!111” I screamed loudly.


I'm glad instead of vaguely 80s we have absurdly early 80s.

which doesn't make very much sense honestly no matter if we consider everything shifted forward 7 years from canon it still breaks because fucking hell is this madness

yes she's back in time for no reason.

Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz.


This is an unambiguous addition to the count. Glad she has to remind us of her stupid nicknames.

He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!!!!11

“OMFG Enoby r u ok.” He asked gothikally.

“Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation.” I snapped sexily.


how does one snap at someone but sexily?

“OMG am I dedd???” koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame’s gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!!!!111


but he shot you with a knife

yes that is the dumb thing here, you have to pick your fights in endgame my immortal lest you lose your mind nitpicking everything

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing.


yep thats how things work yep yep yepype ypepeypeypeypeypepypeypepypeypepypeypepypepyepypepypeypeypepyepy

I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.

“No ur not dead.” Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. “Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Hairy’s dad is doing.”


That's a perfectly sensible reason to not die from a gunshot because it's been established that the only things that can kill a vampire are a c-r-o-s-s (no way I'm spelling that) or a steak.

And that steak has to be to the heart, as to the wrists it induces time travel(?).

I noo dat da real reason I didn’t die from da ballet was koz I was from da future.


never fucking mind

“WTF!!!! James almust shot Luciious!!!” I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn’t want him2 know I knew.

“Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress.” Satan reasoned evilly.

“I guess that’s ok.” I said because James hadn’t really shot Lucian.


I mean luscious played a wrong note and james tried to murder someone else right there on stage and you took the bullet instead, but he was stressed so it's ok.

glad that's just... resolved

Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!!!!!11


ANOTHER ONE?!

He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don’t 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. “Hey.” He sed all qwietly and goffically.


It's hard to say "it was da eighties" when Reagen wasn't even president yet.

Who da fuck is that?” I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

“Dis is…Hedwig!!!!!!!!!11” Sed Volximort. “He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.


Hedwig is Harry's pet owl.

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Ook [an owl] was the first cast member to be chosen for a role in the film version of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

Hedwig is not a sexy bi guy.

Hedwig is a girl owl.

Gah.

Maybe Tara meant Actual Hargrid since lord knows we're mashing together a bunch of past characters already, as opposed to Cedric Hargrid the teen who likes Ebony and is a poser.

Which still doesn't make much sense but who cares about making sense?

Hey Hedwig.” I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

“Lol hi Enoby.” He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!!)


Please stop making excuses for intentional anachronisms instead of your usual unintentional anachronisms.

Released in late 2006, The Black Parade is MCR's follow-up album to Three Cheers and carries a similar pop punk/emo sound.

“Bye.” I sed all sexily.

“Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up.” Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.

“OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!” I said fingering something I didn’t know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem??? dey kik azz!!!!).


She just happens to have a state of the art (for then) iPod randomly in her pocket, which will somehow be useful for the task. Given Ebony's track record with recording devices, I don't expect much success.

“Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!!!!1” I led them to da Great Hall. “Cum on u guys.”

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.


fuck class we're gonna do something stupid with people who don't like each other.

“Go fuk urself you fukking douche!” he shouted at him. “Drako is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!!1”


thanks for immediately contradicting the yourself

and for them knowing what their children will be named and that they'll respond to each other this way

and that harry will take a nickname

even though they are friends and were once lovers in my immortal

(?)

“Yah go fuck urself Samaro!” Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.


...do something about it? I know you don't wanna play your cards too early but spoilers she never plays her cards.

but so much of this story is predicated on snap being an asshole that overthrowing him now would probably destroy the entire world

but at least we wouldn't have the pointless and uncomfortable sequence from before ebony's first trip back where he kidnapped and attempted to rape them so it's for the best

“B quiet u guys.” I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him!


...it is? what is your plan?

Now Vampire’s dad wood never die and “OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out.” I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.


oh, tell them to make out and take advantage of the inherent exhibitionism in all by goff guys

that'll... do... it...

“Kool.” said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.


well i guess it worked. also i feel that every dude being bi is somehow negative representation because they're being represented in My Immortal.

“Oh my fukking god!!!! Voldimort! Voldimort!” screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort’s.


you know, boring straight dude here, but I don't think that's how gay sex works

maybe if they're into it, but please tell me they've not got bullets in them

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame………………Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!!!!111111111111


oh yeah people walk in on sex because why do you keep doing this in public spaces

I was wearing & kin: 55*
strange adverbs: kiss keenly; kiss passively; cry wisely; shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly; nodded ENREGeticALLlY; sacredly I hopped inside; screamed sexily; frenching passively; smelled happily; passively we did it; cry all sexy and sexitive; shoot angrily (actually using firearms); loafing meanly; took out anvilly; jumped sexily into the penisve; giggled mistressly; laffed statistically; (had sex) sexily; went sexily to potionz class; beat [Hargrid] up sexily; jumped seductivly; took his cigar out sexily (literal cigar); jumped secxily in front of da bullet; asked gothikally; got up suicidally; sexily took a steak out; reassured suicidally
Oh my satans: 9
Windows broken: 1
Time Travel Paradoxes, Anachronisms, and Complications: fuck
Fucks attempted: 13
Fucks failed: 11
Unforgivable Curses: 6
great band names: Volsemort and Da Death Dealers; Fug and the Mystery of Magic; Alabastard; Cornelio Fuck and the Misery of Magic; James Almost Shot Luscious
Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look; mean old man; horny simpletons; dispicable snobs; despicable preps; moronic idiots; fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich; fucking bustard; inlosent fools; ridiculus dondderhed; u fuking suk u preppy bastard
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Tue Mar 29, 2016 1:37 am

i'm dying
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Tue Mar 29, 2016 1:46 am

Captain Sunshine wrote:i'm dying


three chapters to go

they aren't good for your health but we are in the endgame here for reals

shame, too, I've enjoyed doing this and I can't think of another story close to this dense in madness-per-word to make a good breakdown
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COME ON DOWN TO BIG HOBS USED CARS WE GOT THE BEST DEALS OF CARS AND HOBS IN THE TRI-HOB AREA GET A TWO THOUSAND SEVEN HOB TOYOTA CAMRY WITH NO HOB DOWN
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Postby Sidotsy (?) » Tue Mar 29, 2016 4:38 am

god dammit i sad sexilly
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I'm just a machine
full of moving parts
I got emptiness
where I used to have a heart
I'm still breathing but I'm synthetic

Nothing pony left in me
Nothing pony about me
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Postby In West Fillydelphia (?) » Tue Mar 29, 2016 8:20 am

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Tue Mar 29, 2016 10:08 pm

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when I was
a young boy
my father
took me to fanfic.net
and showed me my immortal

(if this fanfic is my most prized memory that I see when I die I will know I lived a life of only regrets exclusively)

AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!!!1111.


Her comments on Deathly Hallows explains something important about My Immortal. Oh uh spoilers for actually Harry Potter.

I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!!!!!1111


This would explain why she hates on Snape so much, thinking he secretly the main antagonist. Snape and Voldemort are never seen in the same scene in the present in My Immortal, in the present at least. It doesn't explain why she has them seperate in as much as Tom "Satan" Bombadil is called Voldemort consistently and coexists with Snap in the past.

nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111


she got this completely right though it's not the hardest thing to guess

omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?? If dey don’t den JKR is hamophobic!!!!!111111


sorry, harry gets together with darkness (who is jenny) and Draco hooks up with Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. The only gay dude here is…………………………………………………….

Image
Dumblydore!

fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!!!111


Tara your friends have strange names

I sat depressedly in Dumbledork’s office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian.


That's all seven of them involved in the glock-touching from last chapter. I checked.

Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young den he did in da future.


Well... no shit? Didn't you go over this when he yelled at you during the first trip?

He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.

“What da hell is this anyway??” he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn’t find out dat I was frum another time.


Why do you have a shitty Avril Lavigne song on there anyway

“Whatever u do don’t blame Ibony, u jerk.” Satan said.

“Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together.” Serious said deviantly.


I think she's taunting me deliberately.

“Be quiet you Satanists.” Dumbledore cockled. “If ur lucky I’ll probably send u all to Akazaban!!! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall.”


reasons to go to wizard jail:
attempted rape
being too goffik
being old, weak, and cancerous
fuckin'

He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n’Sync song.


why do you have an n'sync song on your ipod

Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn’t notece.

“You fucking poser.” I muttoned.

“I bet you’ve never herd of GC.” James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly’s tim machine!!!!!11


Well that's... convenient?! And muscular!?!? Why does Marty McFly's time machine have an N'Sync song on it?

“Shut up Jomes!!!” Drako’s dad shouted.

“Yeah shut up!!!!” Snake said preppily.

“No u shut up Dumblydore!!!!!!!!1111” said Tom.

“I’ve had enough of u Satanists in my school!!!!” shouted Dumbledore spuriously.


I can't believe it's taken this long for something to be done preppily.

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. “Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8!!! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was……..Satan.


I'm not sure how this time machine works. Do you like casually inducing paradoxes by having people coexist? Why bring Snape in? At least he didn't make it so we can have a doublesnape.

“You dunderheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111” screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.


And Dumbledore is as affectual ever.

BTW This is the last time Hedwig and James are in the story. We're finally out of the past for good.

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.


Why did you outfit change?

“Hey kool where iz dis?” he asked in an emo voice.

“Dis is da future. Dumbeldore’s iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine.” I told him.

“Kool what’s an ipatch?” he whimpered.

“It’s somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music.” I yakked.


Satan is extremely chill about this for some reason.

He already knows the future so maybe this is nothing new to him.

“OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?” he esked in his sexah voice.

“Um I guezz sand????” I laid confuesdly.

“Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon.” He triumphently giggled.


...?

Is this a reference I don't get?

Didn't they do this bit earlier?

What's happeningnggn

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

“OMG you’re fucking alive!” said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.


"when I slit my wrists I went back in time" yeah sure that's how anything works, ever

“Konichiwa, bitch.” said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

“Hey, motherfucker.” Said Diabolo with his red hair. He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.

“Hey whose that, Ibony?” B’loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.


I'm glad every one of them gets an outfit description and goffs are as... casual as ever with their greetings.

“Oh its Satan.” I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.

Suddenly Satan started to cry.

“Are you okay Satan?” we asked concernedly.

“OMFG ur from da future!!1! What if u don’t like m anymore koz were from difrent times?????” he asked.

“No I still like you.” I said sexily to him.

“Ok.” He said ressuredly.


RESOLVED

I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod.


Teenagers is another song on The Black Parade. Isn't it nice, at the endgame, to get an entirely album of music references?

I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!!!!!!!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.


oh my god we don't need to know what everyone is wearing at all times

“Oh my fucking god, where’s Draco!!!!111 How did Snap get back here!!! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan.” I asked sadly.


why would he be in the caucus mountains again

why are you saying this to someone who was in the caucus mountains but mysteriously left

“Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can’t fucking die because you’re a vrompire.


she can't die in the past because she's from the present and she can't die in the present because she's a vampire

...

!?!??!?!?!?!

["]Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student.” Trevolry said reassuredly.


Well THANKS Britney. How she had the means to free someone from Azerbaijan is beyond me.

“That bitch!!!!!!!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?” I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.

“Yes they are on the loose at this school.


Man it's realliy easy to get out of there. Why were they worried about it at the start of the chapter again? Did the place deteriorate in the last 20-some years?

["]Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!!!!!!” Trevolry said worriedly.


Dumblydore is back from... where? Anyway the useless government that won't help is on its way. Great. We're on lockdown due to pedos. This will be x-tremely ignored.

“OK. But where’s Dracko???? How cum he was doing it with Snap?????”

“I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself.” she said.


Well that's something. Maybe we'll get the truth from him directly?

(no)

"OMG dat’s terrible!!!!!!!!” I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn’t tell what was going on. Then I said “Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!!!!!!!!!” wiv dat I ran out.

“Good luck Tara!!!!!!!11” everyone cried.


in case you forgot for a second that she's not a blatant self-insert.

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer.


Silent Hill doesn't have shit on My Immortal.

How a scary ran sexily works is beyond me

On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

“You fucking bitch!!!!!111” I shouted angrily.

“No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!” she laughed.


I don't know why Britney is such a major player suddenly. And she stops just as fast as she started:

“Crucious!!!!!!!!!1” I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.

“No!!!!!!1 Help me!!!!!!1 Please!!!!!!!!1” Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her.


As immediately she gets torture-cursed. Dunk'd.

In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it.


Didn't you record it with an iPod? How do you have a tape of it? Why is putting Voldemort and Hedwig touching glocks that much better? Why does Britney even have that?

Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. “OMG Vampira!!!!111” I yielded.

We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow.


Ok the iPod is one thing but this is too much Apple imo

His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!!!1)“I wus so worried you died!” moaned Vampire.


did GC do something in 2007 I don't care

“I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me.”

“Where’s Draco?” I asked spuriously.


Vampire will not question bringing Satan to the present.

“Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?” Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.

“I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM.” I SED SMARTY.


ah, irony, my favorite

“I’ll do it den.” Harry said angstily.

“OK.” I argreed.


glad that's resol

Suddenly……….all da lights in da room went out. And den…….da Dork Mark appeared.

“Oh my fucking satan!!!!!” Harry shouted.

“I fink Voldimort has arrivd.” I sed anxiously.


Shit's gettin' serious

“Fuck, I have to find Draco!!1 I guess we shood separate.”

“Ok.” Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.


Draco's missing, Voldemort's arrived, pedos are loose in the halls, and shit's going down! What's gonna happen next?

Well it'll be stupid regardless!

I was wearing & kin: 63*
strange adverbs: kiss keenly; kiss passively; cry wisely; shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly; nodded ENREGeticALLlY; sacredly I hopped inside; screamed sexily; frenching passively; smelled happily; passively we did it; cry all sexy and sexitive; shoot angrily (actually using firearms); loafing meanly; took out anvilly; jumped sexily into the penisve; giggled mistressly; laffed statistically; (had sex) sexily; went sexily to potionz class; beat [Hargrid] up sexily; jumped seductivly; took his cigar out sexily (literal cigar); jumped secxily in front of da bullet; asked gothikally; got up suicidally; sexily took a steak out; reassured suicidally; said preppily; shouted spuriously; screamed wisely; triumphently giggled; screamed terrifiedly; SED SMARTY
Oh my satans: 9
Windows broken: 1
Time Travel Paradoxes, Anachronisms, and Complications: fuck
Fucks attempted: 13
Fucks failed: 11
Unforgivable Curses: 7
great band names: Volsemort and Da Death Dealers; Fug and the Mystery of Magic; Alabastard; Cornelio Fuck and the Misery of Magic; James Almost Shot Luscious
Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look; mean old man; horny simpletons; dispicable snobs; despicable preps; moronic idiots; fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich; fucking bustard; inlosent fools; ridiculus dondderhed; u fuking suk u preppy bastardl; you dunderheads
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Wed Mar 30, 2016 1:29 am

can't wait

:negative:
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Wed Mar 30, 2016 1:30 am

Captain Sunshine wrote:can't wait

:negative:


just two more, baby, just two more
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Wed Mar 30, 2016 3:42 pm

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the calm.

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz


There's one more chapter after this. Have I mentioned yet that My Immortal ends on the universe's most infuriating cliffhanger?

Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!!!!!!!!!111111 if u flam den fukk u!!!111


At least some things never change.

I walked sexily into the Great Hall.


SOME THINGS

NEVER CHANGE

It was empty except for one person. Draco was there!! He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!!!!!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.


Wasn't Vampire the one going to look for Draco?

Oh well, coincidence.

“Draco are you okay????” I asked.

“I’m not okay.” he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.


well now that you're toking up I'm thinking about Afroman songs.

“Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?” I asked teardully.

“I-” Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room!! They didn’t see us.


That's all the answer you get, this mystery will never be resolved. Fuck you.

“Im so glad we me and Snape were freed.” said Loopin.

“Dam, this job would be great if it wasn’t 4 da fukking students!” Mr. Norris argreed.


Mr. Norris I don't think you're complaining about the same thing that Loopin is complaining about.

“Pop addelum!!!!!111” I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.

“Noooooooo!!!!1” Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.


Mr. Norris has ran out of the story. That's his last appearance.

Cornelio Fuck was last seen getting pissy in chapter 36 and doesn't return in time for the finale. Umbridge was actually last seen in chapter 22, though she left the note about Sinister's trip to Eastern Europe that doesn't stick. Hargrid doesn't come back in time for the ending either. A lot of other characters will run into the room here eventually but not do anything.

Pop Addelum sounds like it should be a reference to something but it's not. Google searches only reveal this story.

And this picture of kiwis.

Image
The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky.

“You fukking perv.” I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. “Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I’m gong 2 torture u!!!!”

“I don’t now where he is!!!!1111” said Loopin.


While Snape being evil was explained somewhat in last chapter's author's note, Lupin will forever be an enigma.

Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn’t know who Satan was really.

“Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!!1” Vampire said.


He sure takes oaths in his name frequently for not knowing who he is.

haha

ha

I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.


Didn't Satan look just like Mikey Way earlier? Do alll sexy gothic men look a like to Tara? Is this racist (no)?

I selectively took the caramel from my pocket.


oh good I was getting a mite peckish

So far the resolution to the love triangle iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes.


Threesome!

Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol.


Why do you guys keep pulling out the guns for sexytime?

And does even Lupin pull out his?

“Oh mi satan!! Draco!!!!” I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry.


Wait hold on harry's what

I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. “OMS!!!111” cried Vampire. “Oh Vampire! Vampire!!!” I screamed screamed. “Oh Satan!!!!!” yelled Harry in pleasore.


Is he yelling at Tom "Satan" Bombadil or is this a shorter Oh My Satan? I can't tell anymore?

Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists.


It's unclear how many unforgivable curses this counts as. I'll just increment it once because it's one incident.

Anyway the characters are having sex and thus something must ruin the mood. It's time for the second best entrance in the story:

Suddenly……………………………..

………….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!!!!!!!11 


Snap, I said a lot of mean things about you, and you're kind of an asshole and also a pedophile, but damn if ramming a flying black mercedes benz through the window isn't the most badass thing to happen this entire story.

I was wearing & kin: 64*
strange adverbs: kiss keenly; kiss passively; cry wisely; shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly; nodded ENREGeticALLlY; sacredly I hopped inside; screamed sexily; frenching passively; smelled happily; passively we did it; cry all sexy and sexitive; shoot angrily (actually using firearms); loafing meanly; took out anvilly; jumped sexily into the penisve; giggled mistressly; laffed statistically; (had sex) sexily; went sexily to potionz class; beat [Hargrid] up sexily; jumped seductivly; took his cigar out sexily (literal cigar); jumped secxily in front of da bullet; asked gothikally; got up suicidally; sexily took a steak out; reassured suicidally; said preppily; shouted spuriously; screamed wisely; triumphently giggled; screamed terrifiedly; SED SMARTY
Oh my satans: 12
Windows broken: 2
Time Travel Paradoxes, Anachronisms, and Complications: fuck
Fucks attempted: 14
Fucks failed: 11
Unforgivable Curses: 8
great band names: Volsemort and Da Death Dealers; Fug and the Mystery of Magic; Alabastard; Cornelio Fuck and the Misery of Magic; James Almost Shot Luscious
Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look; mean old man; horny simpletons; dispicable snobs; despicable preps; moronic idiots; fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich; fucking bustard; inlosent fools; ridiculus dondderhed; u fuking suk u preppy bastardl; you dunderheads
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Postby In West Fillydelphia (?) » Wed Mar 30, 2016 5:17 pm

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J J JOHNNY BLAZE

GOT A SKULL OF FIERY HAIR AND A DEMON CHARGED MOTORBIKE
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Postby Sidotsy (?) » Wed Mar 30, 2016 5:22 pm

fucking brilliant
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I'm still breathing but I'm synthetic

Nothing pony left in me
Nothing pony about me
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Wed Mar 30, 2016 5:39 pm

Sidotsy wrote:fucking brilliant
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Postby W.T. Fits (?) » Wed Mar 30, 2016 5:45 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:Have I mentioned yet that My Immortal ends on the universe's most infuriating cliffhanger?


More infuriating than the series finale of Duckman?
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Postby SlateSlabrock (?) » Thu Mar 31, 2016 6:31 am

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack.

Was Draco a vampire? Or, I guess it doesn't matter since Enoby is a vampire. Why would he be wearing cloves? And why would she want to be around him while he did?
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Thu Mar 31, 2016 9:41 am

i think anyone enoby likes is a vampire
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Thu Mar 31, 2016 1:12 pm

SlateSlabrock wrote:Was Draco a vampire?


Draco and Ebony are confirmed vamps, probably Hell Vamps given they can't turn into bats and don't stalk during the day.

Neville, Hermoine, and the Weasly siblings have at least one vampire parent but never demonstrate vampirism themselves. Granted, that would require them to do anything at all to do something vampiresque.

Vampire is shocked to discover that Ebony is an actual vampire, indicating he's not a vampire despite going by Vampire, but he later cries tears of blood and sucks blood so he may have become one later or Ebony forgot or he just pantomimes vampirism because he's committed to going by Vampire dammit.

None of the 80s goffs have their vampishness commented on either way.

Ebony is the only vampire to demonstrate anything beyond a desire to drink blood and sleep in coffins, by using telepathy. But it has to be attributed to her vampiric nature even though she's a witch and can cast magic.
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:14 pm

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the storm.

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!!111


For having "nothing" to say there's still a few more sentences. I'm glad our last author's note stop flaming comment has a great typo in it though.

if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!!!11


Some things never change.

omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!!!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!!!!1111


Does she seriously expect Harry to become a straight-up goth? Or does she not get the difference between that and just being angsty?

omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait!!!


What, exactly, does "dubya" mean? Is that her normal residence? Where is it? What is it? It she talking about Washington state?

Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.


Regardless she never updates again so I guess she never came back. This is My Immortal's infuriating cliffhanger.

“Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz………….Snape!!!!!


Yeah we know Snape's in it, that was revealed last chapter.

“I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us.


That's kinda hard since he's chained & fairly tortured at the moment. I think you have it backwards.

Let's just admire the verbage for the car.

“Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!!!!”


Why does she so totally hijack the prophecy, again?

“You fucking prep!!!” yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn’t really have sexx him but he’s a ropeist!!!!”


Oh it does have closure, which is to say Sanpe is a bad guy still for Reasons. Glad that was resolved as pointlessly as it began.

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred!!!!1 But Satan didn’t change.


BTW they've been naked from start to about now.

Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Voldemont!!!!!!!111

“I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in da room.


Voldemort became... Voldemort!!!! What does that statement mean, was he also travelling time and posing as a teen to ruin Sinister's bad plan and make out with a hot babe in the mean time? I'm extrapolating wildly but it would explain why he knew things about the future. Is there still the present's Voldemort lurking somewhere? Are there two Voldemorts now?

“No plz don’t kill us!” pleaded Vampire.

Our protagonists deploy the usual anti-Voldemort tactics.

Suddenly Willow, B’loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.


Here come the Dirty Dozen! They'll do nothing.

“What is da meaning of dis?” Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.)


It's a little late to throw in canon details like this, darling!

He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily.


Hm!? An antagonist gets to do something sexily?!

Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.


I think Snape is upstaging you by clipping around in a car.

“Oh my goth!” Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)


Slughorn is there too btw. I think he's been in the corner the entire time.

“The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Snape ejaculated menacingly.

“You fucking preppy fags!” Serious shouted angrily.


Dialogue exchanges never improve, I see. The bad guys have strangely bombastic proclamations and the good guys just call 'em preps.

“I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!” screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco’s car.


...But Harry wasn't part of that conversation.

It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

“Oh my fucking god!!!1” I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with


So many tapes of you having sex and/or being nude that she just trails off awkwardly.

“If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton.” He laughed meanly.

“No!” I scremed.


How will he show them if he's dead? Passive verbs aren't helping!

“FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!!!!11”

“Whats she talking abott??????” Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

“I saw 2 she’s gunna show evry1 da picter!!!111” Harry shouted angrily.

“Shut up!!!111’” Lumpkin roared.


Snape's been caught in worse situations more than once, I don't think this will do anything to his reputation.

“Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”


Thank you Voldemort for speaking some sense. This blackmail/counter-blackmail is all pointless really.

“Think again you fucking muggle poser!!!!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly.


Snrk.

“Acco Nevel’s wand!!!11” cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!!!!!!!!11111”


Voldemort can do this btw, this is what happened! Thanks for the help Dracola!

He maid lighting come all over da place.

“Save us Ebony!” Dumbledark cried.


"We're useless for some reason!"

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco



Click for Fullsize

A Reloaded style one-up in which more people are trapped in bigger places and forced to perform scarier tasks with nastier results. Wow.

Saw II in particular is strange because Saw III was already out at the time the story was began, much less now.

Either way, she wants to do normal goffik things...

but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.


But she's gotta fail. And there's no failure greater than disappointment.

“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted.


And with one final death curse... the fic abruptly ends. Does it work? Does she resolve her love pyramid? Do the preps get comeuppance? Is Voldemort destroyed? No one will ever know.

But one thing's for sure, it was a hell of a baffling ride.

So long, and good night.
So long,
And good night.
(I don't own the lyrics to that song)

I was wearing & kin: 65*
Outfits per chapter: 1.47
Best outfit: "a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once"
strange adverbs: kiss keenly; kiss passively; cry wisely; shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly; nodded ENREGeticALLlY; sacredly I hopped inside; screamed sexily; frenching passively; smelled happily; passively we did it; cry all sexy and sexitive; shoot angrily (actually using firearms); loafing meanly; took out anvilly; jumped sexily into the penisve; giggled mistressly; laffed statistically; (had sex) sexily; went sexily to potionz class; beat [Hargrid] up sexily; jumped seductivly; took his cigar out sexily (literal cigar); jumped secxily in front of da bullet; asked gothikally; got up suicidally; sexily took a steak out; reassured suicidally; said preppily; shouted spuriously; screamed wisely; triumphently giggled; screamed terrifiedly; SED SMARTY; ejaculated menacingly
Best adverb: jumped secxily in front of da bullet
Oh my satans: 12
OMSes per chapter: .27
Best OMS: when Satan said it
Windows broken: 2
Best broken window: flying car
Time Travel Paradoxes, Anachronisms, and Complications: fuck
most inexplicable: goffik 80s beatles
Fucks attempted: 14
Fucks failed: 11
fucks attempted per chapter: .31
worst attempted fuck: in the classroom with vampire
Unforgivable Curses: 10
curses per chapter: .22
most unforgivable: ending the fic without a resolution via death curse
great band names: Volsemort and Da Death Dealers; Fug and the Mystery of Magic; Alabastard; Cornelio Fuck and the Misery of Magic; James Almost Shot Luscious
best band name: Volsemort and Da Death Dealers
Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look; mean old man; horny simpletons; dispicable snobs; despicable preps; moronic idiots; fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich; fucking bustard; inlosent fools; ridiculus dondderhed; u fuking suk u preppy bastardl; you dunderheads; idiotic donderheads; Foolish ignoramuses
best burn: mediocre dunces
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Postby Angel Beat (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:19 pm

At last, we are free.
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Avatar by Karzahnii, image used with permission.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:20 pm

Angel Beat wrote:At last, we are free.
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Postby Caldera (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:40 pm

So this has been in the back of my mind for a while:
Pocket wrote:Well, the account I've heard is that... hmm, actually, should I tell this story now, or wait until we've gotten through the whole thing blind? I don't want to ruin the experience for anyone.

This was part of the convo on whether it was a trollfic or not. (Dunno if pocket is still checking in, though.)
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Postby Sidotsy (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:49 pm

Yeah I'd love to here crazy theories about a teen girl writing about harry potter vampires



or do i
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 6:46 pm

yeah, same

i wanna hear
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 6:48 pm

Tara has a youtube channel where she and Raven act like dumb teenagers about things.

They uploaded a video about Twilight, where predictably they really like Edward Cullen.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 6:51 pm

so, we know they're real?
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 6:58 pm

wait, shit, dammit, turns out those happen to be an unrelated Tara and Raven who were making fun of goffs

As in those two just picked those names and happened to hit the My Immortal pair.

the truth is now further out of reach...!
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:00 pm

this story has so many layers
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:03 pm

There's similarities between My Immortal and Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen [sic] in its goffik taste, ridiculously-named protagonist (Atlantiana Rebekah Loren in FB:TToEC), persecution complex w/r/t preps, IT WAS [CHARACTER]! entrances, and the bad guys being irredeemable. Some people believe they're both by the same person.

But the stories handle their protagonists entirely differently. Ebony just gets inconvenienced out of doing what she wants all day. Atlantiana actively suffers including being repeatedly raped. It's hard to reconcile that giant gap.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:05 pm

yeah, that doesn't sound like it's by the same person
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Postby Caldera (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:07 pm

Sidotsy wrote:Yeah I'd love to here crazy theories about a teen girl writing about harry potter vampires



or do i

I find it genuinely interesting. Somewhere out there is the writer of My immortal, one of the most famous badfics out there, and we will most likely never know the true story behind it.
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Postby VoidChicken (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:07 pm

or the author got old enough to learn about character suffering being a good thing for a story and stopped learning there

or it's done by a fan of the original

i'd suggest a thread on that one but something tells me it's too far even for pppp
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Postby Sidotsy (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:08 pm

no rape fics pls
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Sun Apr 03, 2016 7:08 pm

yeah
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