MY IMMORTAL: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!

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Re: MY IMMORTAL: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!

Postby Dexanth (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:05 pm

Like the random 'Voldemort will kill Harry' bit has to be intentional, ergo
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Postby Frosthawk (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:07 pm

I wonder how much of this story was directly influenced by this particular song.




I mean, it's Gerard Way singing about being a sad vampire.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:32 pm

If this is a troll, it's by some master troll, because they made a another account to act as this one's prereader and wrote a story there as well.
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Postby Rainbow Brite (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:35 pm

Is anyone in this fanfic really being sad though

Like the closest thing to a discernable human emotion is "headache"
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Postby Frosthawk (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:39 pm

You must have missed all those tears of blood then
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Postby Momo (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 3:56 pm

Dexanth wrote:there is no way this is anything but magnificent troll now. There is a depth of skill to the prose at times that makes it impossible for me to believe it is accidental badness

I'm not so sure. I've seen worse, and I think this just hit that uncanny valley where something is so bad it's good. She's missing the entire concept of a fanfiction - or fiction writing in general - in such a fundamental way that I'd be giving her way too much credit to call intentional. I find it harder to believe that she's that good than I do that she's that bad.
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Postby W.T. Fits (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:20 pm

I've never heard of Simple Plan before coming to this thread. (And again, I'm skipping over OFS's posts of the actual stuff from the fanfic because trying to read that shit hurts my brainmeats.)

Also, the only Good Charlotte song I'm familiar with is "The Anthem" and that's only because it was in Elite Beat Agents aka The Best Goddamn Rhythm Game Ever That Nobody Bought. :fluttersmith:
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Postby Frosthawk (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:26 pm

You couldn't avoid Simple Plan if you listened to radio from... I wanna say about 2001 to 2006? They were all over those waves
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Postby Rainbow Brite (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:35 pm

W.T. Fits wrote:Also, the only Good Charlotte song I'm familiar with is "The Anthem" and that's only because it was in Elite Beat Agents aka The Best Goddamn Rhythm Game Ever That Nobody Bought. :fluttersmith:


Cool Cool Toon is more obscure, funnier, and did the exact same rhythm game engine first :twiright:
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Postby londonarbuckle (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:44 pm

Frosthawk wrote:You couldn't avoid Simple Plan if you listened to radio from... I wanna say about 2001 to 2006? They were all over those waves


I'm probably less familiar with them than any band mentioned in this thread so far.
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Postby Frosthawk (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:48 pm

I'm actually kind of startled at how many people aren't familiar with Simple Plan. Like, I'm not a fan or anything, but I've always considered them every bit as much of A Thing as the other bands mentioned ITT
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Postby londonarbuckle (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:50 pm

tbf I kind of fell off of paying attention to Popular Teen Rock around the time they (and emo in general) became A Thing.
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Postby RudeCyrus (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:51 pm

I heard Simple Plan waaay too much on the radio. The name sounded familiar but I didn't connect the dots until those lyrics were posted.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 7:01 pm

the only time i've heard them was some video using that song mockingly
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Postby SlateSlabrock (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 7:07 pm

My exposure to that song is almost entirely from YTMND.
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Postby W.T. Fits (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 9:55 pm

Frosthawk wrote:You couldn't avoid Simple Plan if you listened to radio from... I wanna say about 2001 to 2006? They were all over those waves


iPod. Also, I don't listen to punk rock/alternative rock stations. :pinkieshrug:
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Postby !saak (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:10 pm

From what I know Simple Plan wasn't as big here across the pond outside of that one song which is now stuck in my head gawd.
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:54 pm

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AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!


"I said stop flaming up preps! See if this chapter is stupid! It deals with really serious issues! So see for yourself if it's stupid by the way thanks to my friend Raven for helping me!"

Oh god. This chapter. This serious alright. Chapter 11 is the single most insane chapter in terms of density of madness. There may be higher moments, but nothing is so packed with things going wrong as this one.

“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself.


She's sadder than usual, 'cause Draco's dead. Fuckin' rip.

Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.


But Draco can do that and then run around stark naked just fine because he's hot, I guess.

Was hot. Fuckin' rip.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume.


How does one jump in a bath angrily?

Linkin Park is

Linkin Park is basically a streamlined nu-metal at their core (or at least they were in the days they're best known for).


Oh thanks Frosthawk.

Notably they did songs like the famous CRAWLING IN MY SKIN and IN THE END IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER which probably speak to someone so goth they shit bats.

I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed!


NO EBOBY PUT DOWN THE RIBEYE THERES 2 MUCH 2 LIFE 4

I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.


Even suicidal depression isn't enough to avoid outfit descriptions.

I hate sand. It's rough, coarse, and it gets everywhere.

I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed…


SUDDENLY THINGS GET WORSE

Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.


Oh shit Snap's gone from mean guy to outright villain! And Lupin is chewin' it up!

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So uh Remus Lupin is a werewolf, a Hogwarts professor, and he hung out with James Potter & pals who made Snape's school life hell. Literally none of that is relevant in My Immortal and Lupin does the exact opposite of the things that he would normally do. Like not despise Snap.

This is bizarro-Lupin. And he's jackin' it to our protagonist. Christ almighty. What did Moony do to piss Tara off so much?

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it.


Ebony is presented as sexually desirable but those desiring her sexually that aren't sexy goths are derided. Lupin and Snape are in their 30s during the events of Harry Potter, being born in 1960. But then again 30 is about how old Marilyn Manson and Gerard Way are in 2006.

Didn't she just get dressed? Is she wrapping the towel on over the dress? Are people actually seeing mason jar towels?

Suddenly Vampire ran in.

“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.


Now this is an MPreg fanfic.

Avada Kedavra is the third and worst unforgivable curse. It kills a fucker. Kills 'em dead. Tara will never spell it right, and it flies around with complete abandon to no apparent effect. People will not actually be killed very well with it.

I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.


Ebony's gun is almost as useless. At least it broke the camera.

Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…


Dumbledore is having a very bad week. What's been revealed will never be revealed to us.

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.


Hagrid is the single most sane and rational person in this fanfiction, entirely for this line. Yes, he's right, a lot of this could be resolved if the people involved just had a friendly chat. This crazy person running around with a broom between his legs is the sanest person here.

“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”


Hagrid isn't 1) little 2) a hogwarts student. What.

Oh whatever all his lines are golden in this chapter. The satanist thing doesn't even phase me.

“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.


??????????????????????????????????????

No, really, I am having trouble figuring out these lines, it's like they were abandoned infants from two different drafts and only vaguely resemble real human conversation. After Hagrid runs out on his broom things fall apart.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.


Yeah I know the feeling, I miss blood every now and then.

Trium-elephant-ly.

“Why are you doing this?” Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.


So while this is going on, Lupin is still tugging away at his junk.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.


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Bitch where my skull at?!

50 Cent is a rap superstar. After hearing his mixtape, Eminem decided it was so fire he'd introduce 50 Cent to Dr. Dre, after which 50 Cent signed a million-dollar record deal. His first studio album, Get Rich or Die Tryin' was an instant smash hit.

As you might be able to guess, Fiddy is not what one would call emo. This might be foreshadowing that Hagrid isn't actually very gothic, as Ebony whines about him next chapter. That he just swooped into a gothic Fiddy song is more evidence that Hagrid is actually the most amazing lifeform.

Christ, just look at everything he's done in this chapter, it's fuckin' gold.

“Because you’re goffic?” Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.


He just admitted he's a satanist a few lines ago. Is this a frankenchapter made of a few dozen revisions and drafts?

How do you spell afraid in two ways in one sentence?

Wasn't Vampire here?

“Because I LOVE HER!”


Alas, Hagrid's dramatic flaw is that he loves a ridiculous nitwit.

Come back next time for when the editing falls apart even more in a fucking apocalyptic collapse!!

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Kissin' adverbs: keenly; passively
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Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look
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Postby In West Fillydelphia (?) » Thu Sep 24, 2015 11:08 pm

In 2004, Linkin Park and Jay Z released collision course: This is an album where Jay Z and Linkin Park worked together to mix up their songs. I'm wondering if the Fiddy remarks are just a mix up :ponder: At the very least, I think this has inspired the idea of Gothic covers of Fiddy songs.

might as well post a sample

Below is Linkin Park's Points of Authority meets Jay Z's 99 Problems.

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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:24 am

what the fuck am i even reading
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:37 am

Captain Sunshine wrote:what the fuck am i even reading


My Immortal is now showing its true form.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:40 am

my god
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Postby Rainbow Brite (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:43 am

Actually, this is My Immortal's true form

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:It reminds me of the paragon of western romantic literature, Grease.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:05 am

i doubt my immortal could be turned into a series
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Postby Pocket (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:09 am

Captain Sunshine wrote:If this is a troll, it's by some master troll, because they made a another account to act as this one's prereader and wrote a story there as well.

Well, the account I've heard is that... hmm, actually, should I tell this story now, or wait until we've gotten through the whole thing blind? I don't want to ruin the experience for anyone.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:17 am

can you wait, please?
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 4:45 pm

Image

While Chapter 11 is the single most insane, Chapter 12 does not stop trying.

AN: stop f,aing ok


The typos get more marvelous and incoherent, don't they?

hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu!


I'm vaguely concerned this means someone was creeping on Tara. In practical terms to us looking at this fanfic 9 years later it means this is a very special episode.

And that sounds like an ableist slur.

how du u no snap iant kristian


he's literally a wizard

plus hargrid isn’t really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!


The mystery deepens as Tara has apparently confused Hagrid with Cedric.

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He hosted the twelfth season of daytime version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in the 2013-2014 television season.

Wait wrong Cedric.

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I had people sitting outside my house every single day, and it drove me crazy,” Pattison told British magazine NME, according to People.

Cedric Diggory is the golden boy of Hufflepuff house. He and Harry worked together to win a major tournament - and unfortunately discovered that the trophy was enchanted to send Harry to Voldemort, and he was dragged along with it. He died in a confrontation wtih Voldemort's minion Wormtail and his death became a rallying point for the students of Hogwarts against the Dark Lord.

He was played in the films by Robert Pattison, later of Twilight fame as Edward Cullen. In light of that it makes perfect sense Tara would want him declaring his love to her.

How exactly she mixed up Cedric - a prodigious wizard who died an untimely death - with Hagrid - the half-giant magical creatures professor - is completely unknown. It gets more confusing later.

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.


>i
>You possess a gun, a silver knife, a wand, a black dress, black high heels, skull earrings (6), a marylin manson towel, and no tea.


The silver knife was never mentioned before and never mentioned again. It's probably some canonical Harry Potter thing that got confus'ed.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire.


Despite admitting that she mixed up Hagrid and Cedric, she still refers to the broom-running youth as Hagrid. For consistency? Insanity? To fuck with my brain?

He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!”


*walks in immediately suffers horribly, exposits about the unimportant parts*

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.


You know, Harry's defining characteristics are his circular glasses and his lightning bolt-shaped scar. Both of those were lost when he became goffik. It's symbolic in a way.

Thanks Ron.

he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!”


Draco isn't actually dead at all!! Oh my! How will Ebony react to this news?!

Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists.


By revealing this chapter's editing is fucked up to hell! That vision thing will recur at the end of the chapter verbatim! How the fuck? what the fuck? Isn't Ebony immune to lasting harm?

Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.


St. Mango's is quite the typo. It's a hospital to which victims of the fucked up world of magic go to recover, like when they get turned to stone by basilisks and stuff.

Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.


Dumbledore needs more prunes. Why is Hagrid in here? Wasn't he a little hogwarts student? Is this actual half-giant Hagrid, who is otherwise not part of this story? what

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.


I think this is the Hagrid that's supposed to be Cedric. I think. Oh god.

“Enoby I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up preps like you.” I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.


Remember that organ wherein you store My Immortal facts? Remember that Ebony has pink fishnets and a pink coffin and some of her clothes have pink on them?

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Hagrid was mean to Ebony before inexplicably falling in love with her. This makes no sense.

“No Enoby.” Hargrid says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they goffs too you poser prep?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.


"those aren't roses" how dare this guy bring roses

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin.”


Why did she say "I replied"? Why reference 1 Night in Paris? Wasn't it a bath? Why is Hagrid saying she saved him from getting 1 Night in Dark'ness?

You'll notice a lot of questions as the predominant reaction to My Immortal is confusion.

The wikipedia article on 1 Night lists "Cinematography: Rick Salomon" which is silly if you think about it.

Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.


tee

tee hee

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .

“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.


Wisely. Sure. That's the first line to I'm Not Okay (I Promise), like Ebony said, an MCR song.

“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!”


Is the author's note about the tribute part of the incantation?

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t a prep.

“OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?”


Hagrid has a certain chutzpah to him, which is odd since Tara is trying to portray him as a negative character. I think, maybe she wasn't sure.

*roses turn into black flame that is black* "what the fuck is my boyfriend"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”


Why has Dumbledore's dialogue disintegrated?

This infers there's a kernel of truth in the reviews which is oddly mature for Tara. Ebony having not achieved self-actualization makes far too much sense.

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!”


Hagrid is just dropping sick burns and owning this old man. Dumbledore is just fucking wrecked now.

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front.


Apparently Ebony never found herself as she makes no use of the black flame that is black.

Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them.


Billie Joe Armstrong is the frontman of Green Day. American Idiot had recently hit the charts really hard, with not only its titular track but also Boulevard of Broken Dreams and Wake Me Up when September Ends. Green Day's sound is more punk than emo but those latter two tracks are mopey enough.

You know he's gonna get a lot of tweets next Thursday. :amazing:

I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.


Christ I am having to explain everything. Especially so you don't have to fuk off!

The Ring is a 2002 remake of the 1998 Japanese horror film Ring, wherein anyone who views a mysterious video tape that shows only a ring of light dies in a week unless they get someone else to view the tape, a fatal game of hot potato. Samara, the hateful spirit of a young girl imprisoned in a well, created the tape with her psychic powers and kills the victim through sheer terror.

There's a lot more depending on the specific version of the story but I think I got the basics. Now you can stay, though like with Amy Lee in the first chapter you can fuk off if you want to.

“You look kawai, girl.” B'loody Mary said sadly. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn’t spy on me this time.


Besides a few gratuitous words there's very little interest in Japan. Like she doesn't list any goffik anime or whatever. It's very strange.

I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.


Griffindor is preps, Slytherin is goffs, Ravenclaw is not mentioned in any meaningful capacity, and Hufflepuff is here just an unfortunate victim. Vampire has just stone-cold killed a lad.

Hair of Magical Magic Creatures is supposed to be care of magical creatures unless there is a class just on enchanted manes. This is what Hagrid would be teaching except Tara fucks that up too.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos.


Maybe they bought the same brand of contacts. They don't have special eyes anyway.

Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.


McGonagall does not get paid enough for this shit.

I wonder if public nudity is a goffik fetish or something, because they are in the middle of class. There might even be an overlap between students who got to see Draco's you-know-what and who are seeing this. Our protagonists are shameless except when shameful.

“Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.


I think he succeeded. Did you at least put your clothes back on?

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!”


So it's not verbatim exactly but it's close enough in the important parts -

VOLFEMORT HAS DRACO BONDAGE!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111


Weird, an author's note at the end, though they're all over the place earlier. So apparently Raven has given up on editing.

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I 




I think I'll change up the stats to be weird adverbs in general. In preparation.

I was wearing & kin: 12
strange adverbs: kiss keenly; kiss passively; cry wisely
Fucks attempted: 3
Fucks failed: 3
Unforgivable Curses: 3
Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look; mean old man; horny simpletons
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Postby !saak (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:08 pm

dear god this story

I can't fathom it

it actually hurts when reading it

In West Fillydelphia wrote:In 2004, Linkin Park and Jay Z released collision course: This is an album where Jay Z and Linkin Park worked together to mix up their songs. I'm wondering if the Fiddy remarks are just a mix up :ponder: At the very least, I think this has inspired the idea of Gothic covers of Fiddy songs.

might as well post a sample

Below is Linkin Park's Points of Authority meets Jay Z's 99 Problems.


This and their remix album Reanimation is still fire.
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Postby RudeCyrus (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:10 pm

Did she write parts of this by banging on the keyboard?
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Postby !saak (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:13 pm

It actually reminds me of the posting gimmick I had way back wer ei wouild just sort antype lkije this
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Postby Angel Beat (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:27 pm

Someone needs to do a Mad Max themed parody called My Immortan.
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Avatar by Karzahnii, image used with permission.
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Postby SlateSlabrock (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:33 pm

“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

I'm still convinced that this story is too perfectly bad to be real, but I appreciate that after throwing out this dumb Sphinx bullshit that somehow winds up all over cheesy fiction, they just shout him down.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:59 pm

this just gets more and more amazing
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:34 pm

Image

Chapter 13 is a tiny tiny break in the madness, if only because it's shorter than the mindboggling chapters around it.

It's like catching your breath, before returning to screaming.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!


So Raven and Tara traded a sweater for a Gerard Way poster. The fallout from this deal is the catalyst of Raven leaving the project.

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

“Dumbledore Dumblydore!” we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.


Tara uses the verbs "came" and "come" vaguely enough that after how sexual this fanfic has been it really looks like people are reaching climax at random intervals.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“Volsemort has Draco!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” we begged.


Despicable snobs is a pretty rad burn. Dumbledore is acting like an asshole now, for vague reasons. He jumps from good to bad guy a few times.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away.


Though this makes him sound half-reasonable since Draco, not too long after he was running around the school naked, was caught fucking on school property.

Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)


Okay, so she only likes nonstraight men in as much as she finds it hot, I'll just say it straight up.

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood.


Vampire's a normal human, isn't he? This is probably not good for his health.

Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Voldemprt’s lair!


Oh well that solves that, apparently it's very easy to infiltrate the dark lord's lair.

Or maybe the dark lprd's.

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!”


There is no killing curse but allah? Wow that sounds bad. I'm just going to guess the auto-correct accidentally hit that instead of this being some dumbass comment on Islam, as Tara seems to know only Christianity and Stanism as religions.

He's crooning it for Reasons.


Click for Fullsize

Ain't that an allah kedavra to the head!?

It was……………………………….. Voldemort! 


Well yes when you teleport to Voldemort's lair you should not be shocked to encounter Voldemort.

I was wearing & kin: 12
strange adverbs: kiss keenly; kiss passively; cry wisely
Fucks attempted: 3
Fucks failed: 3
Unforgivable Curses: 4
Sicknasty burns: ludacris fools; mediocre dunces; ridiculous nitwits; stupid preppy fucker; dude-ur-so-retarded look; mean old man; horny simpletons; dispicable snobs
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Postby Frosthawk (?) » Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:40 pm

The best things to come out of these updates are definitely the sick burns. Aside from that I'm just sitting here crying tears of blood wisely.

E: That's not to say this isn't my favorite thread right now
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Postby In West Fillydelphia (?) » Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:50 pm

:sweetielarm: SAFEGUARDING ALERT :sweetielarm:

Multiple instances of self harming behaviour and drug taking. One instance of sexually inappropriate behaviour from staff toward students. One student missing and held captive by an infamous evil lich.

Where are the police and the social workers :gonkity:

The school needs to get its shit together.
Last edited by In West Fillydelphia on Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:53 pm

They show up in chapter 21.
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Postby In West Fillydelphia (?) » Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:56 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:They show up in chapter 21.


It doesn't have the ending to "The Matewix" does it?

That's the only sensible ending I can think of for this story.
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Postby Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:59 pm

In West Fillydelphia wrote:
It doesn't have the ending to "The Matewix" does it?


Chapter 21 of 44 mind.
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Postby Space Ghost (?) » Sat Sep 26, 2015 3:33 pm

i laughed and cried tears of blood
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